V-Day

You're supposed to do a blog entry for Valentine's Day, right?

I woke up at 6 today and went for a run. It was frickin cold -- low 30s and windy, especially up in Prospect Park. My iPod battery died without about a mile and a half to go in the run which forced me to focus on my thoughts, and my only thoughts were, "who are these other assholes running in this cold?"

I have fluid in my left ear. This has never happened to me before. I mean, sometimes I get water in my ear when I go swimming, but then I do some crazy "get-water-out-of-your-ear" trick, like hopping on the foot on the opposite side of your body from that of your water-logged ear, while shaking that ear down towards the ground, and eventually I feel this warm trickle come out of my ear, sort of what I imagine a brain hemhorrage would feel like, minus the pain and paralysis. I think I learned that ear-clearing trick in the third grade, around the same time that I learned my "get-rid-of-hiccups" trick (light match, put it out in a cup of water, drink water). You learn one of these tricks at an early age, I think, and then you are stuck with that one for life. I, however, in my highly-evolved state, learned a new anti-hiccups trick about five years ago maybe and it is unbelievably good, but it is one that I can do on others, but not on myself. Darnit. You should be so lucky to have hiccups around me. But the fluid in my ear now is not swimming related, but congestion related I guess. Now I have to sit around and hope that it doesn't become an ear infection. And they wonder why I'm going bald.

I think I consumed around 40, maybe 50, Necco hearts today, and I didn't read a single one.

I did, however, read the book Pretzel to Max tonight. It's the one about the extra-long dachshund whose affection for another dachshund, Greta, goes unrequited until he is able to use his length to rescue her from the bottom of a ditch. Then, after having snottily rejected his romantic overtures for the previous six pages, Greta consents to marrying Pretzel. There, I ruined it for you. I hate this book because a) it has a terrible message about relationships and what makes a person virtuous and appealing and b) like in real life Greta is going to be disinterested in the guy who is shaped like an extraordinarily enormous penis.

Happy Valentines Day.